Pet Caretakers

This was sent to me by a very dear friend.  

I wanted to share it with all the pet caretakers in 

Loving memory of my two babies Tasha and Scoobie.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and 

contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake 

a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that 

aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  

Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help 

because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry 

about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to 

ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in

a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to 

each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know 

that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on

the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by 

some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is 

not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get

your  paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit

through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for 

years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the 

other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following

message  on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on 

your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'- niture. 

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who 

are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.