Friday, October 30, 2015

Have wild imaginings, transformative dreams, and perfect calm.

Another post on my interpretive series on “How to be an Artist” by Sark
~ Have Wild Imaginings, Transformative Dreams, and Perfect Calm ~
When I was seven my friend and I were sitting on the steps of my grade school one day at recess and singing “Hello Dolly”.  I looked over at her and said, “Ya know, one day I’m gonna be a singer, I’m gonna be a Rock Star!”  We laughed and went off to play tag with some of our school chums.  That feeling though never left me.  I would dream at night of performing in front of hundreds of people.  Taught myself how to play piano too.  That really got me through those tough teenage years.  I’d just play and play and not care that I felt like I didn’t fit in.  I was at home with my music and it completed me.  
Well, not that I’m a rock star but I did become a performer and have sung in front of hundreds of people.  It may have been my destiny because my Mom was a singer and I always loved going to hear her.  Later in my life, when I was of age, we would go to this one piano bar and sing all the classics and big band stuff.  That’s where I learned to be a song stylist.  I would imagine myself back in time during that era singing with all those great bands.  We had a ball.  I miss those days.  I still listen to Sinatra and Ella, Mel Torme and Sarah Vaughn.  
Even though I played keys I got tired of needing someone else to accompany me when I went to the open mic nights because there wasn't always a keyboard set up and it was a pain in the butt to hail a 60 pound keyboard around.  So at forty I learned to play the guitar.  That was frightening at first but I did it and it was very freeing because I didn’t need to rely on anyone but myself. 
In High School I had a folk group with some friends and was in some of the musicals. Never a lead but had a great time being in the chorus, dancing and building sets.  I joined a country band in my early twenties, then a wedding band, a couple of classic rock bands along the way and now I'm still working on getting my own original music band. 
Through all of this - all the years, all the songs, all the performances, the nerves, the criticism and the praise - I really discovered my sense of self.  I put aside the judgements and the “why can’t you be like...” suggestions and I made each song my own.  I learned my limits and my strengths vocally and instrumentally.   I transformed myself with each new band, honed my skills, developed my own style.  I can walk onto a stage now no matter what kind of venue and feel totally confident about who I am and what I’m doing.  I don’t care if I might make a mistake, I’ll find my way through it and keep going.  
I may not be the rock star that that little girl imagined so many years ago but I am a pretty good musician and vocalist, with a super family, lot’s of friends, a wonderful husband, an awesome garden, a growing jewelry business.  I wake up every day and go to sleep every night feeling so blessed and at peace with the life I have created and look forward to new dreams and adventures.  
Blessings to All